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Clean Jokes: Chuckle while you carve

   "Why we love children"

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl.  "Are you a cop?"
Yes, I said and continued writing my report.  "My mother siad if I need help I should ask the police. Is that right?"
Yes, that's right, I told her.    "Well then," she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"

        I used to take my 4-year-old daughter with me when I worked delivering lunches to elderly shut-ins.  She was unfailingly intrugued by the various appliances of old age, the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.  One day I found her staring at false teeth soaking in a glass.  I braced myself for the barrage of questions, but she merely turned to me and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

When five year olds found a dead robin on the sidewalk, they found a box and lined it with cotton, and dug a hole for the grave.  The minister's son was chosen to say a prayer, and he intoned his version of what his father always said, "Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and into the hole he goes!"  

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party.  When she sa her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy you shouldn't wear that suit."
"Why not, darling?"    "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."

In Praise of Optivisor : "There it is! I can see it now."

 Seniors have the wisdom to not sweat the small stuff, but we would like to be able to SEE the small stuff, isn't that so?

Optivisor provides subtly magnified vision to give older eyes a clear view of tiny print and tiny corners of any project. Here is my testimonial, from my own experience:

Recently I made an alteration to a new dress that was made of a fine knit fabric.  My first attempt was a mistake and made the dress hang crookedly. Now the challenge was to take out the teensy-tiny stitches I had sewn, without damaging the fabric.  No matter how I grimaced and squinted, I could not WILL my eyes to see that closely.  It was a bad moment, suggesting that I could no longer do the things I have always done, and wanted to still be able to do. 

My husband, Ron, is a wood carver.  You can see pieces of his work in the Gallery on this site.  When he is carving he often has that contraption on his head, his Optivisor.  So now I thought to myself,  "His eyes are even worse than mine, when it come to things that are very near."  So with a glimmer of hope, I went into the shop and grabbed the Optivisor off of its hook. 

I went back to the dress, adjusted the headpiece because my head is even bigger than Ron's, and pulled the lens down over my glasses.  Voila!  The teensy stitches were there, I could see them plainly, and I finished altering the dress with fine success.  It was an immense relief to me. 

The Optivisor is a well-made tool, easily adjustable, and comfortable to wear, even over one's glasses.  Its magnification is subtle and effective. 90% of people choose the #3 lens which has a focus distance of eleven inches, which is average from your eyes to work you are holding in your hands.  There are stronger lenses available, and they focus at shorter distance.  

If you are ever frustrated by the need to see small objects. now yhou know that for a very reasonable investment, there is a tool available to you so you can continue to be creative in all kinds of ways. 
Signed,  Linda


Coastal Carvers!

January 16-17, 2016:  COASTAL CARVERS  present their woodcarving show at Lincoln City, OR, at Chinook Winds Casino .
  Featured carver will be Jeff Harness.
Free seminars for Adults and Children, both days!  
The art in this show is world class.  If hoteliers and professional decorators ever found it, they would empty the show at these prices!